ok i think i figured it out, however it took a little tinkering with horde....

when i was logged into horde i went to my mail options for deleting and moving messages, there i had to check the box that said
Code:
When deleting messages, move them to your Trash folder  instead of marking them as deleted?
now when i delete messages in thunderbird they are actually soft deleted untill i empty my trash can in thunderbird, then they are truely hard deleted..

now to go log into all of my email accounts with horde and change that setting...

Ratt